May 2016) - Pain -Rhapsodeigh

May 2016) - Pain -Rhapsodeigh

Postby SintangibleSkye » Fri Jan 11, 2019 1:52 pm

Coming to Quarry Creek brought a tome of new experiences. I'm feeling emotions. I'm forming opinions. I'm making my own choices. It's freeing, but it's scary, and for a long time I take things slowly. Thank the gods Wile is there to help me navigate this new way of being, or I may have hid in my music box forever, so I've developed an attachment and loyalty to him that I don't have elsewhere. I've become accustomed to his recklessness, but I never thought he'd actually get himself killed, but one night he goes into a house with a crate of dynamite and gets sent to oblivion, and I am lost, and I am scared, and I am in pain I can't place....I'm angry. I'm livid, and I've never consciously experienced rage before. For as long as I've been in Quarry Creek I've been focused on making people happy, in making people dance and sing. Sure there have been hiccups, but I've done what people asked of me, and I've don'e it happily. I've been a part of a community and a family. Wile has been at the core of this for me, and this community just let him walk to his death, and I don't understand. What I do understand is that people expect me to be bubbly and giggly and fun. What I do understand is that I am seen as harmless and cute. What I do understand is that I have the world's most dangerous and unstable weapon in my arsenal...emotion. I can make people fall in love. I can make people smile. I can make people feel strong and brave. Or...I can make people feel like dying, like wandering into the desert and never come back, like going on a rampage and killing everyone at arms length. I've been innocuous because I haven't had to be anything else. It's here that I remember. I didn't hide in the box because I was afraid of the world. I hid in the box because I didn't like what I could do to destroy people. I don't like it, and I don't like being angry, and I don't like how quickly my tune changes. So, I retreat back to my box. Someone will find me. Someone will maybe take me elsewhere and I won't have to feel again. I can wait. The music stops.

Eventually Wile returns, but I stay in the box for quite some time to punish him for knowing he was leaving me behind and putting himself in mortal danger. I do come back out of the box, but I'm a little more fickle, a little quieter at times, a little less willing to volunteer....but just as observant.
SintangibleSkye
 
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