Dear Ephraim and Leela,
Word of your actions has reached me, and I lament what grief has pushed you to do. Had I been a decent friend, rather than a fool obsessed with my own petty drama, perhaps things could be different. I am sorry for this failure. I am sorry that I didn’t recognize the severity of Sybil’s spiral as she over-indulged. I am sorry that Sybil died right beside my house, within my reach to help had I been vigilant. She was a fantastic person and a good friend. Her absence is a detriment to the community.
I would be lying if I said I knew what you were going through. Indeed, I do know the pain of loss. I’ve loved hard in my time, and I have been devastated more than once by a tragic end. There is no accounting for the hole created by suddenly losing someone you rely upon. Worse still, is the wracking guilt resulting from failure to save someone who has relied upon you. These are feelings which I know well, and fully sympathize with.
Sometimes, I still wake up in confusion and reach for a long gone phantom on the pillow next to me. My heart breaks for a moment when I remember where I am, and that they are beyond reach. Sometimes, from nowhere, I am overwhelmed with terror that something bad is going to happen someone I care for. Sometimes, I am crushed by slothful despair which tells me tales of my insignificance. Sometimes, I am filled with a great frustration that must vent as aimless wrath. I build walls to keep others from getting too close, and those who I let in I smother and cling to. If any of this speaks to you, just know that you are not alone in your pain.
And yet, I do not claim to understand what you are going through. And never shall I know, for I have always been a coward. For hundreds of years, whenever tragedy has crushed me, I have simply crawled into a hole and died until the world I knew was gone. Never have I had your ambition to fix a grievance within the world at the cost of all else.
To that end, part of me longs to see you succeed. I want to see you snap this unfair world across your knee and take back the person who matters to you. Your story is that of heroes diving into hell to rescue your loved one. It is the tale of knights facing any threat to do what they feel is just. Even as I recognize the selfishness motivating your acts, I still find your quest brave and noble in its own right.
However, as I said, I am a coward. Your success relies upon my defeat. It depends on me losing an anchor of joy and stability in what has otherwise been a bleak and savage existence. I do not wish to harm grieving friends, but I will fight any threat in order to keep my happiness. I will not allow myself, or those who rely on me, to be harmed. I will not allow one of the few lights of hope and magic in this world be extinguished on my watch. Even as I admire your resolve, I implore you not to force my hand against you.
I hope this letter somehow reaches either one of you. If it does, I offer you my deepest condolences and understanding. My door is open if you want to talk.
1 post • Page 1 of 1